eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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