Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
