just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
