He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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