Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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