I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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