You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
