just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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