People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
