how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
