went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
