Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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