Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
did you just send me my own nude
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm too high and old for this...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
