i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
