yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
