I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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