DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
