what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
