the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
