I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
