so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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