you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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