Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Holy shit dude........stairs
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
