: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
