Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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