First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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