hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
