your thong is hanging out like whoa
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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