So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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