its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
