i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
