just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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