is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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