I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
