I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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