I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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