I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
