He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
