i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
