I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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