Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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