As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm passing your future prison.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
