we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
