two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
