i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
