Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no you cant smoke seaweed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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