the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do vagina's smell?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
