You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
