I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Life is so much better after having sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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