I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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