I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
