my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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