her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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