just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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