How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
