Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
