I'm drive I can fine osifer
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This toilet bowl is my home.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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