Screwed.edu
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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