So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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