Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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