why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
