if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
